To expound upon the janky-ass office bathroom we had at BUST that I mentioned yesterday, the only way that I could get my bosses to agree to invest money in improving its quality (like a door that had a doorknob, walls that weren’t literally crumbling, floors that didn’t have broken tiles, a toilet seat that wasn’t cracked, etc.) was to let me renovate it myself and turn it into a DIY feature for the magazine.
My coworker Callie and I worked all through the night for about two weeks straight doing crazy-ass shit I’ve never done before, like installing a new floor and plastering and sanding walls. The plastering and sanding was the hardest and most time consuming and we did a lot of coke to pull it off. One night, when we ran out, we called a service and Callie went downstairs to get it and she actually looked like a walking ball of cocaine, with plaster dust swirling around her like a cloud. I don’t know what those dealers thought.
I’m actually really amazed at everything we did. We made a medicine cabinet out of a giant picture frame that we bought at the flea market and filled with fabric; we made a lot of use of dollar store fake flowers, attaching them to a set of antlers we got for cheap off eBay, attaching them to the bottom of a trash can that we decoupaged to look like a log, and creating a string of lights.
And as for the door that didn’t have a doorknob and kept me from pooping in the office, we ordered a new one, and then used this special spray paint that turns things into chalkboards so that we could create a period chart for all the staffers and interns, just to see if we really did all sync up. I think we sort of dropped that experiment after like the first month, but it was still cute.
I’ve been busy the past few weeks with a similar DIY renovation project, trying to turn my home office into a nursery. Let me tell you: It’s so much harder without stimulants. Or Adderall. Or weed. Or wine. Or anything. I usually get tired and/or bored after about an hour or two of work and need to take a nap. Hopefully I can get it all done in the next couple of weeks.
